Kit cats - new kit released today [football kits are good value].

The new kit's out today and along with thousands of others, our 2nd youngest lad is about to go to the megastore and get kitted-out [ouch]. A cartload of cash is required, but considering the amount of use [virtually daily for a year] and the ease of washing, drying [very quick] and the fact that it's ironing-free, make it a bargain. The additional facts that the revenue helps the club and that the kit has more relevance to the lives and feelings [of kids at least] than a simple Nike or Reebok T-shirt, well and truly seal the deal for us every year.

Until the day that something better comes along, I'll string along with you...

Escape clause

Rooney is preparing to pledge his short term future to Everton, though we should expect him to insist that a release or escape clause is inserted into the five-year contract.

Please release me/Tangled up in blue

The important escape clause insertion would have a very significant effect upon the contract as it would ensure that Rooney would be allowed to move away, should a bid of a previously agreed value be submitted by another club. We will accept this proposal in principle because it would provide us with a safety net of sorts: a guaranteed fee for the lad throughout the course of the contract [the next five years].

Next, agreement must be reached between Everton, the agent and perhaps between the agent and Man Utd on the sly? over the size of Crocky's finest's escape clause. With Everton likely to go for a minimum of £30m.

So we're nearly there.

One less slaphead for 04/05 [Grav to join Liverpool ]? Plus, the latest 'Ebay watch' report re: tasty Everton Football Club material.

He could be about to follow Barmby [what a smashing career move that was!] and join the red shyte. Fact is, if we get a reasonable sum and a [mentally and physically] steadier replacement out of the spoils, few of us will be too arsed. Portsmaaarf are the suggested favourites for Carrick so it's by no means a certainty that it'll be he who replaces the prematurely bald maverick.

Turning to ebay. The following will start to close in the next hour or so. If you're going to bid, check the details carefully and resolve any queries with the vendor first. The descriptions are taken from ebay:

X1 EFC - Everton supporters number plate

Everton Inter Milan European Cup 1963 Programme

EVERTON FC - THOMAS GRAVESEN

1985 FA Cup Final Programme - Everton v's Man Utd

Keymen Rare Alan Ball Figure England Everton diecast

EVERTON V CHARLTON ATHLETIC 18-4-1949

Q.P.R. v EVERTON. 1951-52. (DIV. 2.)

SUPERB * Match Worn WAYNE ROONEY Everton Shirt *

It's post Euro 04, we're pre-season and I'm bored of the board. So, time for something different. Who was greatest football player of all time?

But do you really know your history? Who has the right to stand at the top table in the football hall of fame and shout, for the whole world to hear, "I am Spartacus!" ?

I've decided to throw in a quiz with a tenuous, nay invisible, Everton link. Still a good un though and it will be velly interesting to see what you shower think about this one.

Who is the greatest player never to play for Everton?

You can vote in the poll on the right hand side of this page.

I reckon Maradona by the way, so he takes a 1:0 lead ...

Some links [to help you brush-up]:



link 1, link 2 and link 3[see the 'videos' section!]



link 1 link 2

Ad nauseum, ad absurdum.

Yeah, I know it's more commonly 'nauseam' - but to re-post a title only messes with the xml readers.

Some dim sum. In the words of [the less PC] Bart Simpson, of yesteryear “Eat my shorts man.”

Phil Carter has sounded the bugle.

The board have got to be judged by their actions, NOT their words and frankly, their actions are p/ss poor.

Moyes has beseeched them to get a grip. What a bleedin’ joke this close season has been.

Bosnar arrives and Carrick is now sought.

Off for a lunchtime pint.

Smells Like Team Spirit.

Good result and by all accounts a good match. If only it mattered hey...

Blast from the past

MOTD is back for the new season, which for us should mean a huge increase to the usual* Everton coverage of 31.5 seconds.


*cf ITV's 'The Premiershit.'

Club America 3:1 Everton - Bent scores...

We lost to Mexico's 'Club America' today, 'Z Cars' rang out in the 88th minute as Bent scored [making it 2:1] just when the game had become a stroll and looked dead.

At least 2 of their goals were alleged offside both by our players and by the commentator on planetfootball.com

Full summary here.

Adios Palios.

Fallen on his pork sword.

It's Sunday: time for 'exclusives.' Everton now richer than Chelsea, Real Madrid and Manchester United. And the truth about Liverpool's new venue ...

Rags to riches.

In an amazing turn of events, we can exclusively reveal that after a 5 minute negotiation with Gregg and Kenwright, JR Ewing has announced that he is to buy Everton Football Club, for the sum of £98,500,000,000,000,000,000,000


Love at first sight.

Although he has not hitherto been considered a fan of football, he was present in a corporate box during our recent demolition of Mexico's finest. By the end of the game, he had not only turned to face the pitch but was leading the chants of 'Royal Blue Mersey' and 'Kopites are gobshites.' Minutes after the final whistle, he had secured Bill Kenwright's 'phone number. Yesterday, he told the 'Dallas Daily Sun Sport Star,' "That there team play some mighty puuurdy soccer and it's 'bout time I got mysel' a piece of that there darn Premiership action."

The man with the midas touch finds the fabulous wealth that the club has unwittingly been sitting on for years.

It had been rumoured that his drilling team had [on Friday] discovered a huge area of filthy, contaminated land under the entire surface of the nearby Stanley Park. The side-effects of the contamination include nausea, uncontrollable urinating, short temper, rapid onset obesity and manic badge collecting amongst those exposed for more than a few periods of 90 minutes at a time.

JR continued in the interview, "I have since ordered some preliminary drilling at Goodison and on Friday we found Texas Gold [oil] directly under seat FF39 in the Park Stand. This oil strike should be worth an additional £35,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 which shall all be spent on the team in the next five years."

The new Red Adair.

It is not known whether JR will insist in any major changes at the top, but he has already confirmed that he is to offer David Moyes a new 25 year contract.

'I'll sort out the Rooney situation' pledge to fans.

Rooney has been sent an invitation to Southfork to discuss personal terms. A security guard with two pearl-handled six shooters will offer security during the stay, by standing directly behind his agent team.

Yeehaa.

So remember where you read it first, the 'If you know your history flag' now proudly flying above Southfork ranch and the huge oil extraction plant being built where the Park Stand once stood, signify that Everton ARE BACK.

Reaction

Alex Ferguson apparently said, "Football, Bloody Hell!".

Arsene Wenger has confirmed that, "Everton will now, once again, be a major force, it's so unfair."

The Chelsea management team are rumoured to have reacted to the news by ordering a change to the club strip's shorts, from blue to a 'dark rusty water' brown.

Liverpool are thought to be absolutely fuming and are considering legal action. It is their opinion that they actually own Goodison Park too and therefore should be entitled to all of the oil money. It has been suggested that they have also applied for Everton to be banned from the Premiership. A leading Barrister's 'Counsel's opinion' is that any such actions will be futile, he stated that they will look like 'right tw@s.'

I wouldn't give you the dust off my car.

Click here for some previous quotes by the legendary JR Ewing

"Don't forgive and never forget; Do unto others before they do unto you; and third and most importantly, keep your eye on your friends, because your enemies will take care of themselves." - JR Ewing to the press conference at Goodison yesterday.